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I used to think I was really good at hiding everything that was going on.
I could walk into a room, shake hands, smile, crack a joke, and keep everything tight to the chest because I told myself that was strength and that real leaders don’t bleed in public.
I would say I’m good even when I wasn’t. I would nod like everything was under control even when I felt like I was holding it all together with duct tape and pride.
But your eyes don’t cooperate with the lie…
You can train your mouth to say the right things and you can train your posture to look confident, but your eyes will always tell the truth about what you are carrying.
I remember being at an event during a time when I was juggling business issues, family responsibility, and the weight of my own recovery. On the outside I looked pretty focused and driven, but inside I was exhausted and tired of dealing with all the shit that just kept coming. Sleep couldn’t even fix it…
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A dear friend pulled me aside and didn’t ask about work, family… nothing. He just looked at me and said, “Are you ok, because your eyes are telling on you.”
That stopped me dead in my tracks! He saw what I was trying to hide!
You see, we try to bury our feelings because we think that showing them makes us weak, so we suppress them and call it discipline. We avoid the hard conversations and call it maturity. However, unprocessed pain always leaks, and it leaks through your reactions, your silence, and especially your eyes!
Your eyes carry the late nights and the regret. They carry the prayers you whisper when no one’s listening. They carry the battles you survived and the ones you are still fighting.
There’s nothing strong about pretending you’re fine when you’re not. Real strength is being honest enough to admit that you’re working through something and choosing not to run from it.
I’ve learned that when I stop trying to hide everything, the pressure eases up on me. When I name what I’m feeling instead of stuffing it down, it loses some of its grip. When I let my trusted people see the real fight behind my eyes, connection and healing start to happen.
If your eyes are tired today, admit it. If they are hurting, deal with it. If they are hopeful, protect that hope like it matters… because it does!
Stop trying to look strong and start doing the work to actually become strong, your eyes are already telling the story whether you like it or not.
Jeff
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P.S. Enjoying Today’s Light? Explore the rest of Light In The Tunnel. Mental health support for men and women, plus journal entries and prompts to help you stay grounded.
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