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I caught myself thinking about it.
It just showed up. One of those memories I don’t visit often, but somehow I always recognize the moment it walks into the room. I sat with it longer than I used to. No rush to shut it down. No need to explain it away.
There were years when none of it made sense. The losses. The detours. The closed doors that felt personal. Back then, I kept asking why like there had to be an immediate answer. I wanted clarity while I was still bleeding from it.
That’s not how it worked.
At the time, it felt unfair. Some of it felt unnecessary. Some of it felt like punishment. I didn’t know what any of it was shaping up to be. I only knew what it cost me. And there were days I honestly thought it was way too much.
What I see now is different. Not cleaner… not painless…. just clearer. Certain things had to fall apart because I was building on the wrong foundation. Certain people had to go because I was shrinking myself to keep them comfortable. Certain seasons had to hurt because comfort would’ve kept me stuck there longer.
I didn’t understand it while I was in it. I wasn’t supposed to.
There’s a strange peace that comes later, when you realize the moments you begged to escape were the same ones that taught you how to stand up tall on your own two feet. Not all answers come on time. Some of them only make sense once you’re far enough away to see the full picture.
I don’t always look back with gratitude for the pain. I look back with understanding.
One day, you’ll look back too. And you won’t need to ask why anymore.
Have an amazing day and I’ll see you tomorrow!
Jeff
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Dry January isn’t about giving things up. It’s about discovering something better. And Vesper makes every pour feel like a yes.